I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
