have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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