are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
