My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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