At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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