A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
