my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
operation have a gay friend backfired
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize