I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
