So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Boobs are out for the taking
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
