Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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