My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize