More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
