my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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