oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
