I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
