the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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