You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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