i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
