i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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