Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
