i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think I am morally bankrupt
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
