Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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