Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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