you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
