Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
