She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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