so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
