is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
