I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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