It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
