After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
