I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
