i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
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