I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
this will be a night to untag.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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