if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
