I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
