next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
