He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
