i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
