She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
