i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just want nice things and good sex
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
