I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
