garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
