Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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