I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
