I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
