remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
