I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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