Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
