Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
