she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
