I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
