I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
is wine microwaveable?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
