new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
