can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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