Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
it glows. i had to have it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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