I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
it was like eating out sand paper
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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