there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
