Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize