we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
