Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
