I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
