I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Boobs speak an international language.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
