I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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