We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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