I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
