Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
