My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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