I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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