Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
