I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
